y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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