Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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