you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
