I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
