I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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