I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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