you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
