I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
