Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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