Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
