Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.