I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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