so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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