I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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