So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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