Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So much rum. So many feels.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
