I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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