When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
