do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
