Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
