no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
