do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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