normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
