11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
