Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
