I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
