Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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