I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
