chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
