I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
