I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
