I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
