Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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