She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
