i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
