I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
