i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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