A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
