U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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