community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
