Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
