I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
