If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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