So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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