cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
