he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
