We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
