i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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