But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
