i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did I show you my penis last night?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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