woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
