dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
