Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
