Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
