you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
