When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
