the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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