I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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