For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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