and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
barbara walters just said penis...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
