this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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