John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
