apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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