I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
