i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
