I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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