Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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