I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
