What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
