Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
