I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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