Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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