small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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